where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I could fuck to npr.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
