it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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