I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
