So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize