Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize