I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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