nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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