You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
