glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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