Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
