dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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