You're my little dorito
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
