I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
