This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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