I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
