So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I can't put those talents on a resume
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
