I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
