Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
