can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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