Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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