shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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