I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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