Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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