Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
