Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
whose parrot is this?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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