you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
