You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I still have a little drunk in my system
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
