You really coming over, don't trick.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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