Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize