Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
