is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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