I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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