okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
