Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The best revenge is premature balding
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
