god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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