I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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