He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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