That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
