I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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