you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
