And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
