I'm eating all of the evidence.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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