yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
