Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
