I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
