Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
PANTIES FOUND
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
