guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Someone signed my nipple.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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