Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
