Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
