Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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