My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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