woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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