Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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