life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
