If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
