I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
