Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize