i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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