Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
