you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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