there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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