i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
