You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she smelled like a LAN party
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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