I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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