I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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