its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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