I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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