How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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