hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
