i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
