Don't you send me to vm
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
