i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
