The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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