It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
