did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
