I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
