dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
