did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize