I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
