If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
