Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize