how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
