we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
