Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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