My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
