Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize