Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
