69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
