My cat gives me a boner
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
