if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We are all done wearing pants today
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
