so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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