If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
