It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Randomize
