Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Dear god my vagina.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize