yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
