I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
